“. . . a relationship is a story you construct together and take up residence in . . .”
– from A Field Guide to Getting Lost by Rebecca Solnit
Relationships are an essential part of what it means to be human, and as Michael and I are learning how to live apart physically, we are also creating a new story for our shared life in which we are turning our dream of a life closer to the land into a reality. By doing this we are forging a relationship with the land, making connections with various tradespeople, fostering new friendships, all while we are negotiating the subtleties of a new culture and plunging into the quark mire of words and sounds of a language that leaves us tongue tied and vulnerable. We are also learning new ways of relating to ourselves and our values; questioning long held beliefs and attitudes, and weeding out those that don’t fit in with our long term vision of ourselves and our life.
It is a process filled with challenges and rewards, of learning and growing, and of falling in love with a different kind of life.
Midnight and Lily look like they are having fun exploring their new surroundings, and by doing so, are transforming themselves into quinta cats. After my initial paranoia and fear of allowing them to be outside, I am starting to relax, trusting that they won’t stray too far and would be able to always find their way back home.
Portuguese Words:
relacionamentos – relationships
a amizade – friendship
a língua – language
Written by: Jolandi
How beautiful company you have! 🙂 I believe that it was hard at first to let them roam freely. For example, we don’t let our bestia out of our (enclosed) backyard by himself, and he’s a dog. By the sound of it you’re doing it just right, your relationships. Let it last.
I was like a helicopter parent at first, Manja, and must confess that I still like to know where they are. They are sticking close to the house, which I definitely prefer. Although I have left the door open for most of the day today, I close it around 4pm when I feed them, as I don’t think I will ever allow them outside at night. Lily especially comes running when I call, while Midnight is far more aloof. – Jolandi
I am sure Midnight and Lily are having a wonderful time exploring their new home. Won’t it be exciting when they start bringing you home little presents of mice and birds!? One of my cats used to bring me worms she found when digging in the garden.
I think it is difficult enough moving house to a different part of the same country because there are so many subtle differences in behaviour and language to get used to. Moving to a different country and continent must be so difficult to do, with so many pitfalls just waiting to appear! I think you and Michael are coping marvellously, though you must be so tired and anxious at times. I am sure that all the work you have done and continue to do will pay off eventually and you will become accepted, contributing members of your new community and much more relaxed into the bargain! Good luck! xx
I think I would prefer them not to bring me gifts, Clare. Although that said, cats in Portugal are kept on farms to keep the mice populations in check, so I guess I should be pleased if they catch mice. We have some in the barn where we store things, but there is also a substantial gecko population, so we are not allowing them to go in there for now. It would break my heart if they catch the geckoes.
I also think Michael and I are coping well under the circumstances, even when it is not always easy. It was so lovely to have him here. I just wish travel was a bit easier so that he could come for a week every 6 or 8 weeks, instead of us not seeing one another for 4 months. With the ease of technology, staying in touch and present in one another’s life, is so much easier than before, which is a great help. We will forge forward, trusting that all we do will pay off. – Jolandi
It must be a bit of a shock for the cats, coming from the UAE to Portugal in winter! They’ll probably stick close to home while the weather is cooler and wetter; it’ll be interesting to see what they do once the summer arrives and the drier terrain is closer to what they’re used to.
Relationships that were strong before the partners were forced to live apart long distance usually get stronger, I’ve observed. I’m sure it’s hard, but it sounds like you and Michael are doing well.
It must be, Hangaku. Especially from living in an airconditioned, 8th floor apartment, to be allowed outside with so many smells and sounds! Not to mention, like you point out, cold weather. We’ve had a couple of sunny days, which they enjoyed, but today is cold and windy, so I’m keeping them inside, as I leave the door slightly open and the wind blowing in is much too cold for me. 😉
Yes, I think you are right in that long distance relationships often get stronger in the process. Technology is definitely a blessing in helping to create a constant feeling of connection. Also with us living apart we can achieve so much more than if we were living in the same physical space. Building infrastructure always cost more money than one budgets for, and with me here people actually come to do the work we otherwise wouldn’t have been able to get done. We also count our blessings regularly, which helps a lot. – Jolandi
I love seeing the cats explore their new surroundings. I’m imagining that rainbow in the photo is stretching from Portugal to the UAE! You guys are doing great; hope the next four months fly by.
I think that rainbow is, Lex! We are lucky to have one another and we certainly count our many blessings regularly. The cats are giving me grey hairs climbing very tall trees and chasing other cats off the land, but I am grateful to have them with me. I love watching them enjoy being outside. – Jolandi
When the Northern hemisphere warms up you won’t see Midnight and Lily.. What a great place to explore.. 😉
I hope you are wrong, Lisa, but they do seem to love being outside when the weather is good. 🙂 – Jolandi
I enjoy seeing the cats outside, but not as much as they are enjoying themselves outside. Hopefully they won’t stray far from their food supply!
I hope they won’t, Greg. I much prefer them real close by. But like you know yourself, cats have wills and ideas of their own. – Jolandi
I was struck by how you mention relationships beyond humans that include the land and natural world. I’m taking a fascinating online course on Canada’s Indigenous Peoples and it talks a lot about this important relationship. Your cats are adorable. I wish we had cats but Mike is very allergic. I’m sure they love roaming around in your beautiful environment, but I’d have trouble letting go too.
It must be fascinating, Caroline. We can learn so much from Indigenous people, as I think it is sad that we don’t have that same relationship and reverence for nature anymore. I am trying to learn how to live closer to the land, which is a process I suspect will take a long time, as there is so many new things to learn and try out. – Jolandi
Finally, I am here now! I do miss you Jolandi and all my friends that I left behind in Abu Dhabi. UAE somehow gives me good memories in the last 2 years before leaving for good. It is nice that you are enjoying this plan of yours in Portugal not sure if you are there or in AD? you can still WhatsApp me.
When you get the chance please say HI on my Youtube channel PinoySwiss abroad. Keep in touch!
Hi Evelyn. I’m based full time in Portugal now, and love it. Michael is still based in Abu Dhabi, so we don’t see one another often, which I’m sure you can relate to, as I think you haven’t seen your hubby for a very very long time. Take good care of yourself, and enjoy all the freedoms New Zealand offers amidst all the lockdowns elsewhere in the world. – Jolandi
This is so poignant and touching dear Jolandi. The photo of the rainbow stretching over your land is beautiful in so many ways. We do hope that you and Michael will be reunited full-time soon. Please do take care <3
Thank you, Takami. We count our blessings, and being apart has benefits too, so we choose to focus on that. – Jolandi