“No matter how sophisticated our choices, how good we are at dominating the odds, randomness will have the last word.”
– Nassim Nicholas Taleb
The first two weeks of February continued the drab, grey, rainy weather that set the tone for winter this year. Water oozed out the soil, first turning our little access road into a permanent stream, before leaving it a muddy mess once the water ceased to run during the second half of the month. We had to abandon our intentions of digging the foundation for a greenhouse, because of the high water table, and accept, once again, that certain projects are tied to specific seasons, and once an opportunity is missed, it can be months before one has another chance at it.
The weather was not only the perfect reflection of my mood, as I got myself entangled again in the frustrations and idiosyncrasies of various official processes, but also compounded my overwhelming sense of failure for being unable to anticipate and respond to the things that really were and are out of my control. I have an extremely unhealthy relationship with failure, and more often than not, what in reality is just my own perception of having failed. Somewhere in my childhood I internalised the idea that I was not allowed to make any mistakes, and when I do, the shame that comes with the failure of not doing the right thing or making the right choice in combination with my gravitation towards overthinking, can really play havoc with my mind and emotions.
Needless to say, the sudden arrival of sunny, warm days came just in time to save me from a downward spiral, questioning my self-worth. My days were instantly filled with a frenetic energy, as I started strimming and embarking on a cleaning up mission outside. All the frustrations and challenges instantly became manageable, while my headspace filled up with more positive scenarios and thoughts.
The birdsong was louder, the frog chorus that started up more rowdy, and the yellow and white wildflowers more joyful in the bright sunshine.
“If you wish to know the divine, feel the wind on your face and the warm sun on your hand.”
– Buddha
Notes:
# With the good weather strimming season has started, and clear lines started to emerge between where I will keep strimming and where the grass will keep growing until it is cut and baled at the beginning of summer for a friend’s horses.
# The dry-stone wall is almost done, and I although I hope it will be by the end of March, we may have a section of the top stones missing, as we need another pallet of stone to finish the job, but because of the wet weather our supplier told us that the stone supplier will only start to quarry stone again at the beginning of April.
# For anyone who is following the news, and are aware of the developments in the Middle East as of today, I guess will also wonder about Michael and how he is doing. Growing up in Zimbabwe during a war, the sound of missiles flying overhead isn’t new to him, and I would say he is more curious than worried or scared. The UAE has an excellent defence system, and we trust that it will be over quickly without many fatalities or damage in the UAE.
Update: Michael is fine, despite a barrage of attacks on the UAE from Iran during the night (28 Feb/1 March). (137 Ballistic Missiles with 132 intercepted, 5 landing in sea with no damage, and 209 drones with 195 intercepted, 14 getting through with some collateral damage) We trust that sanity will prevail and the Arab leaders won’t retaliate, but will simply keep defending their countries to prevent a bigger war from erupting. Although I am obviously concerned, neither one of us are particularly stressed out, as we have trust in the defence system of the UAE as well as its leadership in this time of crisis.
A Moment of Gratitude
I made a point of lighting a campfire on those early evenings when there wasn’t a puff of wind, staring into the flames until the bats split the accumulating darkness with their movement and the stars filled the sky.
Portuguese Traditions
As a Roman Catholic country, carnival is celebrated in Portugal with a distinct character. Originating in pagan times to celebrate the arrival of Spring, Christianity has cleverly absorbed and altered this tradition. This time in which excesses are celebrated is viewed as the final period of joy (Entrudo) before the 40-days of Lent (Quaresma), and Easter that takes on a more subdued atmosphere with a focus on prayer, fasting, and almsgiving, in which many people give up something like not eating meat or not smoking.
Perhaps the most unique celebration is to be found in the small village of Podence in the northern Trás-os-Montes region. Believed to have its origins in Celtic times, the caretos (originally young men only) represent mischievous creatures that announce the beginning of Spring by running up and down streets, while dancing and shouting excitedly, scaring people and making a lot of noise with the cowbells that are attached to their unique costumes.
In Ovar, carnival celebrations date back to the late 19th century, but for the last 65 years it has been formally organised by the municipality, and is a popular place visitors flock to. Festivities are stretched out over a month, but it culminates in the Grand Carnival Parades on Shrove Sunday and Tuesday with more than two thousand participants from four Samba Schools and twenty Carnival and Parade groups.
Carnival in Loulé is an interesting mix of Brazilian-style samba schools and social satire, reflecting whatever issues have been most prominent in the preceding months.
Another place where satire forms the central element in the celebrations is in Torres Vedras. Some of the distinct elements of the celebrations are the matrafonas (men dressed up as women), and the cabeçudos (enormous caricature heads that parody celebrities and political figures).
These are by no means the only places where carnival is celebrated, but if you crave spectacle and a big party atmosphere, then these are the places you should head to. Needless to say that as an introvert who cannot stand big crowds, I haven’t been to any of these, although I would love to visit Podence’s celebration of carnival.
Written by: Jolandi
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I can relate to the need to be a “success,” as I define it in my own head, and hold myself to my own very high standards. I have discovered that it is my interpretation of how to be in control of my life and protect myself from danger. Thinking I can control everything in life is make-believe, I know, but understanding the psychology of what’s going on doesn’t make it stop happening. But bravo to you for figuring out this part of your mind and being aware of it. That is a good way to begin directing yourself to more healthy pursuits. And also, the sun. Thank the gods for the sun!!
Speaking of gods, all those celebrations sound wonderful to watch, and I am most interested in the one you described in Podence.
What a lot of water you have recorded here. The creek in the road – oh my! I read the news of the attack in Iran this morning with dismay. I am glad Michael is not in fear, and that UAE will be a safe place for him, though it seems so close. I think strimming season and the warming angle of the sun will be just the medicine you need to keep positivity and the good feelings you get from hard work. Hugs.
Oh the battles we have with our minds, and the things we internalise that is SO unhealthy. Thank goodness at least for every awareness we have of it. And like you say, not that it makes it easier, but at least we can stop ourselves from falling into the same destructive habits.
We trust that despite the attack on the UAE and other Gulf Countries by Iran, they won’t retaliate, and that calm will return to the region soon.
And yes, I definitely think strimming season, and gorgeous sunshine is exactly what I need right now.
Here’s hoping things calm down in the Middle East. The campfire looks so inviting.
Thanks, Peggy. I echo your sentiments.
I hope Michael will be safe during this new outbreak of war. The UAE is a financial hub in the Middle East and lends a lot of money to its neighbors as well as to the US, so hopefully the combatants will keep that in mind when the missiles fly. I know several Iranian expats here who are glad the US is bombing what they regard as a tyrannical government, but I don’t know if they realize what the cost will be to both Iranian civilians caught in the crossfire, and to the US, their country of residence. War is a costly solution to a conflict between nations, as Sun Tzu observed.
So glad to see the sun where you are! Enjoy the early days of spring, even if it officially winter!
It is crazy that Iran is attacking its neighbours and not just Israel from where the attacks are being launched from, Hangaku. Not a smart move, and although each and every one of these countries said they reserve the right to respond to defend themselves, we hope that they won’t and will simply keep defending their own countries so that the situation doesn’t escalate out of control.
Yes, it is so lovely to experience these early days of spring, despite it still being winter. I am sure we will have another couple of cold, wintry days before spring fully arrives.
As someone who grew up in a typical Asian household, I can relate to what you feel about failures as my parents expected nothing but perfection and they were the kind of people who rarely give compliments. But along the way I learned that failures are not the end of the world, and I try to always remind myself of that every time I experience something akin to a failure. A part of my brain will still be bothered by it, but the other part knows that it’s just the way life is.
I’m glad to hear that Michael is safe. It’s really distressing to see how things escalated so quickly, and who knows what will happen tomorrow. I hope calmness will return to the region soon.
It’s nice to learn about those carnivals in Portugal. A little bit of fun moments and happiness is what the world badly needs right now.
I guess we will fight these battles with our minds for as long as we live, Bama. I once again marvel at how similar we are despite the fact that we grew up in different cultures. It is really difficult for me to relax into the unpredictabilities of life, and although my yoga practice has helped a lot with awareness and acceptance, it is an ongoing struggle for me.
Iran’s response to the attacks from Israel and the US is a real shock to me. I also hope that sanity will prevail and peace and calm will return soon. Here’s to hope!
My friend, you are such a talented writer and it is marvellous how you are able to take us on a journey and allow us to experience the lows as well as the highs. I’m keeping Michael in my thoughts and prayers during these uncertain times. Take Care, Jolandi.
Much love
Veronica
My dearest Veronica. Thank you so much for your lovely message. 💚
Rainy cold weather + unhealthy success/failure feelings + political aggression can add up to a lot of stress! I am feeling all of those things, too, but like you, I find a little bit of sun or warmth from a fire can bake out a few of those feelings. Here’s to spring really arriving soon and allowing us to move our bodies outside enough to quiet the mind. And of course, here’s also to a quick resolution of the frightening tensions launched this week and to Michael’s continued safety.
Thank you for your emotional support, Lexie. I echo your sentiments for good weather, physical time outside to banish all those dark thoughts, and a quick resolution for the craziness to ensure the safety of millions of people in the region. We have faith in the UAE’s defence capabilities, but it isn’t pleasant to have a war hanging over one’s head. Michael is luckily very pragmatic and calm amidst it all.
Your house is looking very nice and as usual I LOVE LOVE the photos of the cats! They’re living the dream 🙂 It’s good to hear that you’re not stressed about the war, we trust our leaders and defense systems and hopefully this will end soon. It’s been a hectic few days but it’s amazing how we adapt to new circumstances and it gets everyone closer…
I love the Nassim’s quote too, how true!
I was wondering how you were doing, Sarah. Glad to hear that you are adapting to the situation. Like you, I have a lot of faith in the defence systems as well as the quality of leadership. The UAE is definitely the best place to be in a war situation, but I also hope it will all be over soon. Please take good care of yourself. And good luck. Sending you a big hug.